I don’t know where else to turn

Blackeyedsuzy

I’m writing this because I’m sitting, alone, while a mile away President Biden sits in his beach mansion and continuing to ignore all of us here who are enduring the effects of this ban. After a summer of false hopes and vaccination progress, it’s hit me hard this week that I might not be able to hug my love anytime soon. He planned to meet me here in usa from Italy right before the virus took hold. We never imagined we’d still have zero clue when he can come here. It’s hard enough to start a relationship online…and deal with all of the projections or doubts that are really hurtful when you know you finally found someone who is amazing. We at very least deserve a chance.
I have to write out my fears to someone as I can’t bear to cry one more time to my partner and make both of us feel badly that we missed the windows we were given in trying to be safe and “smart”. Watching celebs and others able to come here while I feel like it’s going to be hell to try to stay with my sweetheart, let alone meet him, has become unbearable. The hope of “updates” fell flat and now I see nothing but unknowns and headlines about political fallout and passing our midterms next fall until a lifting is enacted. It’s been a cruel joke for us, and it’s taking a toll on us individually. I feel terrible I can’t put on a smile these days and just try to have joyful conversations rather than always saying there is no progress. We are head over heels in love, and in a terrible limbo. We’ve both lost opportunities and I fear things we can’t get back. If next year we find ourselves in this I will have to find a way to meet which alone, is scary to have to travel this way. I’m just so at a loss. I won’t complain how it makes no sense far less vaccinated places are on the ok list. Or that I worry intensely every day even when borders open the processing of documents for us might take forever also. Can someone please give me some hope here? I was patient but I feel my mood is slipping more each day. Because I’m not in a “traditional relationship” nobody in my life really gives me any real validity to my pain or frustration. It all is starting to…hurt. We both had a really hard past, this should be our happy new start. Does anyone in my situation have any hope for us or advice on how not to unravel? I’m sorry to all of you who are missing loved ones, I really feel you.

Tommy97

Hey Suzy

So sorry for what you're going through! Your story is very familiar to me, and right now I have a similar story.

My girlfriend lives in Argentina, I live in UK. We planned a visit in December 2019, but instantly, Covid hit. Since then we tried in July 2020, October 2020, December 2020, February 2021, July 2021, and now we're here in September approaching 2 years of waiting....which has been really, really tough!! It feels like we've missed 2 years of each other that we can't get back.

At times, yes, we haven't been sure how to get through, but it has made us stronger. I can relate to the 'no update' conversations...that's become all too common!! We have a chat for travel updates which has been full of false hope for a long time.

For me, I just concentrate on what I can do...Make sure I have vaccines (yes, I have them, I literally don't care if it means I can travel easier!) try and explore all options, try and contact government people to apply pressure in government...and in the meantime I plan our trip. Over and over, so that as soon as it becomes possible, I'm ready.

I would say that the world situation is only improving, and good things can happen very quickly. You just have to hang in there.

And no, it's not easy....today I'm totally bummed out about it all, but it will get better!

Blackeyedsuzy

Tommy97

Thank you Tommy. I assume you came here today just feeling in need to vent or relate somehow. And really, I do relate. Mainly because most people don’t really understand what this pain and way of life is at all. And I myself am almost becoming resentful in seeing clearly just how little interest or support those in my life have given me in the past year. In fact. My only almost insulting inquiry is “how are things over there?”

Its almost like he’s an abstract idea to people. And he after getting hope from agencies there 2 months ago…doesn’t even read about updates these days. I feel guilty as even though I’m doing everything you’ve said, I’m the problem because USA has flopped so hard on this issue. And I have to wait an extended time for my passport as really he doesn’t want me traveling alone or abandoning my responsibilities here so I erroneously waited and now in my brain the way we wanted to meet up and plan is all haywire and truthfully adding to my anxiety. I also am looking at myself and see the isolation has ripped my esteem to shreds the past couple months. I’m not my best self.

Our relationship is more solid than anything but my psyche I admit is in an emotional roller coaster and I’m embarrassed to even meet as again I’m in Covid burnout. Due to my past experiences I feel like i am set up to fail and now looking like I’m unraveling to my partner who is far more advanced in compartmentalizing his worries. It will be our fourth holiday alone I fear and I already said I don’t want to decorate. I agree with you Tommy that things can change quickly, and even then I worry it will create a bottleneck like has happened here in USA with the passports. I see nightmare visa / embassy stories as far as we go here to try to plot out a future together. It’s almost anymore like my country doesn’t really want to even fathom two people could possibly just be madly in love in this way. I hate it. I’m so over the waiting and watching so many clear mockeries of our plight and being forced to consider crazy avenues pushing my normally reasonable nature into near irresponsible decisions. My partner crushed me with the line “I never expected to make your life harder when I met you”, which he hasn’t. But. I understand what he’s saying. Thanks for sharing your positive story and giving me a smile that others are in fact making it despite zero idea after months of false starts. I hope we both soon can post a success story. Take care and I hope you get to hug her soon. It’s sad that this one thing that could lift all of my spinning seems so out of reach right now and not even up to me 😔

Tommy97

Exactly right @Blackeyedsuzy , definitely came to vent! Sounds lame but there are few that understand.

I really hope things work out for you now. Very interesting what you say as to esteem. The mental side of the travel restrictions can't be underestimated, they have a profound effect.

This is lame advice, but you've got to believe in yourself.... you've done the best you can do.

And speaking on behalf of blokes with girlfriends isolated many miles away, I can assure you that we're more than proud of anyone that has had the courage and endurance to see this thing through!

Keep us posted on your journey! Love hearing about people that have closed the gap at last, it gives such a boost. What's your next step?

And yes ....I really hope I hug her soon...!

Blackeyedsuzy

Hi there. Well. So far we don’t know the next step, as usa isn’t really saying details. So…he has been going to travel agents in Italy who are all saying well, “just wait” or “you might need an updated green pass or Italy to decide on a booster”. So today again, I’m like, jumbled and deflated. I honestly don’t know the correct advice as on one hand we see here there will be an increase in prices and flights then there agents saying well maybe you won’t get a flight until January. Honestly, I’m not sure my mental state could go another holiday this way.

So after some tension and fatigue yesterday, we are looking at ways to go around Italy again. But. Your words are kind and really it is helpful to see I’m not the only one giving some insight into trying to relate this way and feel sometimes no control over my own plans.

I hope you have had some good news or progress yourself. Please keep me posted and keep strong too. At least we know we are all in this for the right reasons. It means something for sure! Take care.

AGB

Have you considered meeting on a third country? It's far from ideal but still way better than nothing. My partner and I spent 2 weeks in Cancún last December, and it made all the difference. It was our first encounter in person, and apart from being able to share 2 wonderful weeks, now we know we belong together for real.